Hmmm . . .

Okay. Goals for now. DO NOT look at the scale. I'm actually still fitting into most of my clothes that I fit into at the beginning of the summer--some are more snug than what they used to be, but I don't feel like I've made a huge jump in weight--just an insidious gain that I'm steadfastly ignoring.

Goal 1: Stick to 1400 calories, and don't eat sugar during those days.

Goal 2: Have one cheat day a week, when I eat whatever I want, including sugar.

Goal 3: Exercise--bike three times a week, do weights twice a week, and taekwondo twice a week (at home since we can't afford to pay for classes right now).

That's it. Achieve those goals and do them for a month . . . THEN step on the scales, and face up to reality.

I've incorporated some decent habits--other than not exercising and eating too much sugar. I'm an emotional eater, so one of the things I've started doing is when I come home from school (ie a long day of stress), I tell myself that I have to chew some gum for a while and drink a certain amount of water before I have whatever I darn well please. So I'm giving myself permission to pig out, but at the same time I'm giving myself some time to recover from the emotional stresses of the day. I find that more often than not--especially if I drink the water--that by the time my gum has lost its flavor and blowing-bubbles-elasticity that I have the self control to not go pig out.

But not all the time!

Linking to Another Post

I had an "ah, ha!" moment last night and decided to blog about it on my regular blog. You can read it here.

How's Tristi Doing?

I'm doing pretty darned well!

Turns out the diet game I'm playing is called Game On! Here's the website for it, although there is a little bit of language, just so you know. And here's a book review that's pretty comprehensive.

Essentially, it takes the principles we already know - eat lean meats, eliminate or greatly reduce sugar, drink a lot of water, get rid of soda, get enough sleep, exercise - but it turns it into a game and you either get points for healthy behavior or lose points for unhealthy behavior. For some reason, this approach is really working for me. Since last Thursday, I've lost 4 and 6/10th pounds. Woohoo!! You get a day off and you get a meal off some other time during the week, and you also get 100 calories a day to spend on whatever you want, so there is some leeway.

I'm a pretty competitive person, so knowing that I'm working for a team effort is really helping me. There are three people on my team and three on the other, and our points are being added up and compared. I haven't heard this week's tally yet - yesterday was check-in day - but I feel good about my contribution to the pot. I really am focusing and trying hard to stay on target, and it's showing ... in addition to the weight loss, I've lost an inch off my hips and an inch off my waist. Woohoo!!

Very Interesting Indeed ...

I started this new diet plan last Wednesday, and despite taking Saturday off, I've lost 5.5 pounds since then. I don't know what's different about this plan than others I've tried, but it really seems to be working. I don't know if it's keeping track of points and having to report them, or the specific way of eating, but I'm really impressed. I'm just hoping that I'm not jinxing anything by announcing how much I've lost. :)

If you guys are interested in trying out the program, go over to Facebook, send a friend request to Andi Jensen Sherwood, and tell her you'd like to get in on the next game. It seriously is helping me out.

Funny exercise story - we went to the regional conference yesterday, but we missed that we could go to our own church to see it. Hubby got told by his home teaching companion that we had to go to the Marriott Center. Well, the place was absolutely packed. We ended up parking over at the temple and walking to the Marriott Center, only to find that there were no seats, at all, even in the hallway on the floor. So we walked over to the DeJung concert hall to the overflow. And then afterward, we walked back. Yeah, I got me in about an hour's worth of walking, completely by accident. :) But it looked good on the scale this morning!

At any rate, I'm feeling more hopeful than I have for a while. And hope is a very good thing.

Cautiously optimisitc

I have 3 weeks of working behind me and so far so good. I have only been able to go hiking twice because it is too early and dark and no time to get ready for work, or too hot or too much to get done when I get home.  But I have been able to continue doing my yoga in the mornings before work and my 10 minute Dance it Off cd.  I also make sure to wear my pedometer to work. My goal is to take more than 10,000 steps each day. I read that that is the point at which your body starts losing weight. Whether that is true or not is beside the point for me, the more steps I take the better, right?

So I found out the other day that if I walk every single hall and take at least 3 of the staircases at work, one round is almost enough steps to make a mile.  I found that out by accident when I had to deliver something to every single teacher and had only 20 minutes to do it. That was the first day I did almost 10,000 steps at work. 

Each day I try to do more than I did the day before. It gets me up and moving, it gets me out in the halls between classes and sometimes during class so I see and meet more of the students and that is a good thing.  Then every other day I try to walk on the treadmill doing one of the pre-programmed workouts. 

So far I have done great, so I am cautiously optimistic that I will be able to maintain this level of activity and wellness and continue with weight loss and healing and getting well.  Today my daughter has a soccer match, so I will be walking on the track during half-time. Maybe. I have homework I am taking with me, so maybe it will be the treadmill after the game.

Saturday I did 5 miles on the treadmill- 2 preprogrammed workouts in 1 hour.  I was only going to do one, but when it was done, I barely had accelerated breathing and felt I could do more. So I went upstairs and re-filled my water bottle then went back downstairs and did the next harder workout. It was almost easy as well.  That was exciting to me- 5 miles that was almost easy, barely breathing hard and able to carry on a conversation with my son that was watching a movie with me while I walked. 4 months ago I could barely do no incline and speeds 3-4 for 15 minutes and here I was doing incline 6 speed 6-7 for 60 minutes and barely feeling it!

And did you know it takes 12,200 steps to equal 5 miles?

Still here

Still not losing weight.

Still running triathlons.

Still incredibly out of shape despite running triathlons.

Still seeing a personal trainer.

Still getting my butt kicked by my personal trainer.

Still attempting to count calories.

Still eating a crap diet anyway.

Still wishing there was a magic bullet.

Still depressed because there isn't one.

Still discouraged.

Still holding on to a shred of hope that I can actually do this.

Still wanting to get and give encouragement on this blog.

Still glad I have someplace to come to whine.

Still hoping to have something to say here that isn't whiny.

Still.

Resetting the Timer

As you all know, I've had a ton of fits and starts on this journey of mine. I have awesome intentions, I know what steps I need to take, and then I peter out after about fifteen minutes. The reasons, in the past, have been these:

1. I am an emotional eater, and I don't know how to cope with my emotions except through eating. I don't have a tool that's stronger for me than food.

2. My body strength is such that I wear out very quickly, and so any kind of sustained exercise program is difficult for me.

3. I've struggled with making myself a priority.

Because of these factors, my weight loss has been a no-go. Because of key factors from my childhood, whenever I start to eat more healthy foods, I feel as though I'm depriving myself, and my alarm bells go off. I've also felt less-than-worthy to be beautiful and healthy.

Then add into the mix the year I've had:

1. Car accident - muscle damage, concussion, overall weakness

2. Passing of my father

3. Financial stress

I've been beating myself up for my lack of progress. I was all set to go when I realized how close I was to hitting 300 pounds, and then I hit a huge emotional wall and decided I didn't care if I weighed 300 pounds. To be honest, I might. I haven't weighed myself since. The depression just got me and I didn't fight it hard enough.

It wasn't until about two weeks ago that I realized something important - I still haven't recovered mentally or emotionally from the car wreck. This realization hit when I discovered that I broke the money. I've been paying the bills for our family since our marriage, and all of a sudden, we were getting calls from creditors telling us we hadn't paid. I handed the checkbook to my husband, and he couldn't make heads or tails of it. Whatever I've been writing down for the last few months, it's not English. On my next doctor visit, I asked, "Is it possible I'm still having concussion symptoms?" I told him what had been going on - my general inability to cope, my desire to get things done but not being able to, my inability to reason things out. "Yes," he said. "And it could take up to a year before you're fully recovered."

Wow, thanks, doctor. That's very comforting.

So in the meantime, my husband has taken over the money. And I've had to realize that life may be a little different for me for a while. I can still be creative, and I can still write and edit - the right side of my brain wasn't bothered in the crash, it was the left side that got the concussion. This explains why I can't do math, figure things out, or remember to do things. Thank goodness I can still write and can still work! But I need to be more patient with my coping ability. Fact is, coping is hard for me right now, and I need to just allow myself time to get over it. I can't make major life changes when I'm fundamentally off-balance.

All that said ... I'm trying something new.

Because the fundamentals are off-balance, I've just joined a team for a weight loss game. It starts on Thursday. Essentially, you get points for healthy eating, sleeping, water consumption, and exercise. You get time off without penalties, but you do get penalized for breaking the rules (eating candy, drinking soda, etc.) I'm going to give it a try and see how I do. If I can get these fundamentals down and make them a habit, I think I'll be a lot better off than trying to do it myself without daily reminders. It's my rememberer that's broken, so I need help in that department.

I'll check in and let you know how it goes, in addition to posting the rules.

And thanks for letting me ramble.

Great Expectations?

Here we are, one and a half weeks into the school year. One full week of no morning hiking. And I realized that the unexpected has happened for me. I miss it. Really, I do.

When I was in high school I had a P.E. class that was running.  That is what it was called, Running. And in class we, get this, ran. Everyday. For 4 minutes. We had 55 minute classes, so P.E. went for 40 minutes for activity, 5 minutes to dress out at the beginning and 5 minutes to dress down at the end of class. Sometimes we ran around the track- boring and I hated it and was slow at it. Sometime we ran cross country around the neighborhoods around the school. I liked that and was pretty good and fast. But it was never my favorite activity.  I would have prefered dance, but it was not offered at my highschool and I lived in the middle of nowhere in a town that is not even a map dot. In fact I went to school in a different town than the one in which I lived, and that town is a map dot, but not much else. So the opportunity to take dance? slim to none.

But I digress. I went to college- far, far away and the opportunity to take dance was suddenly all around me. And so I availed of that opportunity and I was dancing everyday, except Sunday and even then sometimes in the kitchen when no one was looking. And I didn't have to run.

Then I got married and all joy was ripped out of my life and my dancing ceased. And I had babies and gained weight.

I tried to walk it off. I would start by just walking around the block. And I would last  for about a week. Two at the most. It was hard and it made me hurt and I would just stop, telling myself that I will start again- next week. So the beginning of this past summer when I decided to start hiking in order to hike the trail without stopping, my biggest concern was my history of starting again- next week. And I tried to not have huge expectations. That is why I made my  goal simply to be able to hike the trail without stopping. And I did, on August 16. I did it in 16 minutes, without stopping. (I blogged about it here)

Throughout the summer I hiked 30+ miles, lost 15 lbs (well 14.6) and 2 inches from all of my measurements. I feel better, look better and will soon be off some of my meds. I knew all of those things would be a side benefit- if I didn't stop. And I feel that the Lord blessed me to help me continue on. To have the committment level to get out of bed in the mornings, even when I wanted to stay and laze around- read, sleep, whatever. To continue putting one foot in front of the other, even when I didn't think I could.  And for some reason this time it was not hard.

But when I tried walking on a track the other day? My knees hurt, my back hurt, and I just had to stop. and when we hiked up to Timpanogos cave? Same thing. Hmmm, asphalt trail, asphalt track, asphalt neighborhood route = pain and stopping. Dirt trail, dirt hike= stamina and no pain and willingness to go on even when it is hard.

And the biggest surprise of all? Since school started I have only been able to hike outside once and I miss it. Really miss it. When I find myself outside, I feel a pull to the mountain and a desire to lace up my shoes, shoulder my camel back, grab my poles and hit the trail. I long for it. And I never, ever expected that. 

**********************************************************************************************
I just did 2.8 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill and it feels so good to be moving again.
I do 20-30 minutes of yoga every morning and it feels great. I started a new one this week and I can really feel it in my abs. I have been wearing my pedometer to work to count my steps and I have a goal of 10,000 steps/day. The most I have done is 9,500.
And I have a goal of losing 15-20 more lbs and walking either outside or on the treadmill 2-3 times a week. I have had to become  inventive- walking around the field during half time of my daughter's soccer game, parking further away from the soccer field so I have to walk further to get there, making sure I take the long route around the school when going from one place to another, doing leg stretchs while working the till in the lunch room- up on my tip toes then rock to my heels, stand on one foot for one transaction then the other for the next. It just looks like I am bored and can't stand still, but it feels good and burns calories.