It was like having a lemon ripped from my chest!

No, really it was. I know I have been a major slacker. I am not proud to say that I have no weight loss to report over the last few months, especially since I started the year with a bang. But I just started not feeling good, and got so tired all the time, and was having trouble sleeping. And so when I first started to notice my chest getting a little flabby, I just got depressed and thought "I am fatter than ever." Luckily I didn't hold that belief for long, especially when the area just below my bra line started to ache all the time, and I went to the doctor.
Turns out I had a tumor the size of a lemon that had been growing more inside than out (hence how it got so big I didn't notice) and it had been pushing against my lungs (hence the lack of oxygen that effected pretty much everything). So it is now out and luckily benign and I can really say it has taken a weight off my chest!
So I guess that means I am back. With no more excuses I need to start eating right, working out, and avoiding all those things I know are bad for me. One of those is to cut down on Coke since I really got re-addicted because I was using it to help me get through the days. I am not going to lie and say I will never drink it again, but I am going to try to go down to a couple times a week instead of daily and go from there.
I will check in next week hopefully a pound or two lighter and feeling better, both physically and emotionally.

Catching Up ...

First off, I'm so excited to read through the posts for the last little bit and see the progress that has been made. Way to go, ladies - I really could not be more proud of you.

I'm not sure what happened to me. I'm still super-exhausted and I hit a patch of, "I just don't care right now." I got out of the 290's and then I just crashed. I haven't weighed since, and it all seems too hard. I need to get myself replenished and built back up, but every time I think I am, I crash again. The car accident + my dad's illness + my dad's funeral + not enough sleep + not eating enough nutrients + stress with work + stress with social situations + stress with finances + stress with family = Tristi just doesn't care right now.

I'm trying to, I really am. But I may just need more time.

One step at a time

I am still hiking 3 times a week. It has been an adventure, to say the least- stepping on snakes, (well almost stepping on one anyway), hikers in front of us finding dead bodies, exploring new territories, feeling better, getting stronger, losing pounds and inches. And I am finding on days that I don't go hiking, my body starts craving that movement, that exercise, that euphoria that comes after I am home again. Best exercise routine I ever embarked upon.  (see this post for an explination of some of the afore mentioned exploits)

So it was with pleasure that I stepped on the scale this morning and I am down 10.2 lbs since the beginning of June. I am now at 175.6. That is so exciting to me. (Tristi, you could update the sidebar if you want and have the time)

I was thinking about what changed for me and why it seems so much easier this time around.

1. I already spent a year revamping my diet- with diet meaning the way I eat as opposed to a temporary food change. I think that has made a huge difference. I stopped looking at diet as a temporary change and looking at it as what it really is- the way I eat. I no longer feel deprived of food because I am not "on a diet" but "eat a healthy diet". I no longer think about what I can't have until I am off my diet, because I am no longer on a diet. What I eat is fuel for my body, not my soul, so there are no forbidden foods, only foods that are good fuel or not so good fuel.

2. I have dealt with a lot of the painful past and feelings and things that were blocking me. Things, hurts, wrongs, injustices, etc. that I felt I needed to hold on to in order to protect myself from being hurt again, or so I could justify my; hurt, anger, disgust, sadness, pain... When I learned to free myself of all that, I could free myself of weight that I could just not let go of. Have I resolved everything? Not even close, but I have learned how to work on it and know when I am holding on and what to do about it. But I still have a long ways to go in this area.

3. I think this is the biggest thing that I have learned this summer- I am the boss of me. What I mean by this is simply this: I was sent here on earth to learn how to become master over my mortal body, to learn how to make this body subject to the spirit, not to let it rule. Because really, if I let the mortal body rule, the choices and decisions it makes will almost always be wrong or hurtful. When I went to the dr. in early June and he started listing the things wrong with me, the things my body was deficient in, the things that were going to be wrong, I got mad. I was making good choices and doing what I thought were the "right" things and still I was having issues. Life is not fair! that was my first reaction.

Then I decided that yes, life is not always fair, but it is not about what is and is not fair. I could choose to be old and broken and wait to die, or I could refuse to be old and broken and choose to live. Who exactly was in charge here? Me or my body? and I choose me. I and I alone choose whether I exercise everyday or not. I and I alone choose what I put into my mouth, what I buy at the store, what I watch, what I do, say, think.... And only when I quit finding an excuse, a justification for what I am or am not doing, then and only then will I truly be in charge of me.  Because I absolutely refuse, REFUSE to be old and broken at 47.

Because I am the boss of me. Not my appetite, not my cravings, not my size, weight, inches, or anything else that is part of my mortal body. Because I am NOT my mortal body. It is only the thing that holds me while on this earth. And I and I alone am the boss and was put in charge of making it what it is or not.

But I truly believe that if I had not spent the past couple of years putting things into place, this realization would have been much harder to execute. But I am doing it, I am climbing that mountian and I will make it. One step at a time.

Now I am off to take a hike.

Is that what I really look like?

Hey, everybody, I'm back! For a while there, I was so sick of dieting. I just didn't have the mental energy to do it anymore. I had sort of convinced myself that I was okay. I mean, I'm only about 40 pounds overweight. That's not such a big deal, right? Then I went to my 30-year high school reunion. Everyone insisted on taking pictures. Here's me with two of my good friends, Debbie and Melissa.



That's me on the right. Of course, I am standing next to Melissa, who hasn't changed much since high school, except she looks better. Debbie, on the left, has really been through a lot since we graduated, and she still looks good. I look like someone brought their mother to the reunion. The bags under my eyes are so big the airlines would charge extra luggage fees. And that weird expression on my face? I think someone made me laugh. But I couldn't just relax and smile, because deep down I knew I looked terrible (especially compared to these two) and I was feeling so uncomfortable. I hate having my picture taken.

So here I am again. I need to challenge myself and so I will be participating in the Mesa Falls Marathon on August 28. Don't get too excited. There's a marathon, a half marathon, a 5K, and a 1 miler. I'll be in the 1 miler, or possibly the 5K. My normal walking route is 1 mile. I just need to bump up my speed. And train. A lot.

Beyond that, my main goal is to lose weight, get healthy, have some really good pictures taken, and plaster them on Facebook so all my old classmates can see them.

Happy dance time

I just came home from the doctor's office. Good things are going on here.
Blood Pressure- down. He has me on 1/2 of the lowest possible medication and I am still going down. Soon I will be off!!
Weight- down 6 lbs in 4 weeks!! He said good job, keep it up, and we set a goal for 30 more pounds. I would like 60, but have to be realistic here.

I have continued hiking 3 times a week and it has gotten easier every day. My daughter started taking the GPS with us to track distance and time. We found out that the hike to the water fall is 1/2 mile. The GPS tracks moving time and stopped (resting) time. When we first started taking the GPS we were taking 13 minutes moving time to get to the falls with 13 minutes stopped.  Friday she and I made it to the falls with only 5 minutes stopped and 8 minutes moving!! And then we hiked another 3/10 mile above the falls.

My goal is still to make to the falls with less than 60 seconds stopped time.

Still here

I haven't written on here for awhile, but nothing weight significant has happened. I lost 10 pounds and quit losing. I know why. It's because I haven't been working on losing weight. I've done well enough to keep steady with my weight. Now I need to get myself moving more and start losing weight again.

I'm at 188 and I (like Tristi) don't want to see the higher weight again. I'm out of the 190's and I don't want to go back.

Hopefully the next post will be to exclaim that I've lost weight again. And hopefully it isn't 3 months down the road.

Stress Levels Still High

Stress levels still high, high, high . . . and eating is now high, high, high too. With all these highs you'd think I'd be happier.

Nope. I'm scared to step on the scales. I can feel the weight I've gained. On the upside we go to Phoenix in a few days and my friend's hubby has an aunt and uncle who have a sweet swimming pool and we're planning on going every day while we're there. So at least I'll be doing some exercising!

I'll let you know when I get my courage up to weigh myself!

Hooray!

If I were Irish, I would say, "Saints be praised!" and then probably something in Gaelic. But I'm not Irish. I think I have one Irish person in my whole line. I'm Welsh, British, and Norwegian, and I'm not sure what they would say. So I'll just leave it at "hooray" and maybe a "yeehaw."

I have left the land of the 290's.

That's right - as of this morning, I am 287.5. Phew!

The Land of the 290's is a terrible place to be. All the plants are dead, it's too hot, and it's dreary. You might pass someone on the path, but no one ever says hello. It's a miserable place ... oh, and there's piped-in piano music a la Floyd Cramer.

I am so glad to be back in the 280's. It's not an amusement park, but there is some color to the sky and the animals don't bite as much.

I remember passing through the Land of the 270's. They sort of whizzed past - I wasn't there very long. I'd like to return, get the lay of the land, maybe buy some postcards. That's next on my travel itinerary.

But I'm never, ever, ever going back to the 290's. Ever.

The Best-Laid Plans

Since I last posted, I've had a few bumps along the way. My food choices have been mostly good ... mostly ... and exercise has been happening more frequently. But on Saturday night, I got really sick - inhaling all that smoke from the fireworks did a number on me, and walking back to the van from the fireworks display, my left hip went out and my leg stopped working. I sent my husband up ahead to get the car to come pick me up. Since then, I've been battling nausea, but the leg has repented.

But I'm not giving up. I've decided that while giving up is very, very tempting, it's not going to happen. How can I give up when I'm not happy? I don't think a person should ever be content to lay a project down until they're happy with how it turned out, or feel peace about walking away. There's no peace happening here. So, I'm not giving up.