Tuesday, July 27, 2010

One step at a time

I am still hiking 3 times a week. It has been an adventure, to say the least- stepping on snakes, (well almost stepping on one anyway), hikers in front of us finding dead bodies, exploring new territories, feeling better, getting stronger, losing pounds and inches. And I am finding on days that I don't go hiking, my body starts craving that movement, that exercise, that euphoria that comes after I am home again. Best exercise routine I ever embarked upon.  (see this post for an explination of some of the afore mentioned exploits)

So it was with pleasure that I stepped on the scale this morning and I am down 10.2 lbs since the beginning of June. I am now at 175.6. That is so exciting to me. (Tristi, you could update the sidebar if you want and have the time)

I was thinking about what changed for me and why it seems so much easier this time around.

1. I already spent a year revamping my diet- with diet meaning the way I eat as opposed to a temporary food change. I think that has made a huge difference. I stopped looking at diet as a temporary change and looking at it as what it really is- the way I eat. I no longer feel deprived of food because I am not "on a diet" but "eat a healthy diet". I no longer think about what I can't have until I am off my diet, because I am no longer on a diet. What I eat is fuel for my body, not my soul, so there are no forbidden foods, only foods that are good fuel or not so good fuel.

2. I have dealt with a lot of the painful past and feelings and things that were blocking me. Things, hurts, wrongs, injustices, etc. that I felt I needed to hold on to in order to protect myself from being hurt again, or so I could justify my; hurt, anger, disgust, sadness, pain... When I learned to free myself of all that, I could free myself of weight that I could just not let go of. Have I resolved everything? Not even close, but I have learned how to work on it and know when I am holding on and what to do about it. But I still have a long ways to go in this area.

3. I think this is the biggest thing that I have learned this summer- I am the boss of me. What I mean by this is simply this: I was sent here on earth to learn how to become master over my mortal body, to learn how to make this body subject to the spirit, not to let it rule. Because really, if I let the mortal body rule, the choices and decisions it makes will almost always be wrong or hurtful. When I went to the dr. in early June and he started listing the things wrong with me, the things my body was deficient in, the things that were going to be wrong, I got mad. I was making good choices and doing what I thought were the "right" things and still I was having issues. Life is not fair! that was my first reaction.

Then I decided that yes, life is not always fair, but it is not about what is and is not fair. I could choose to be old and broken and wait to die, or I could refuse to be old and broken and choose to live. Who exactly was in charge here? Me or my body? and I choose me. I and I alone choose whether I exercise everyday or not. I and I alone choose what I put into my mouth, what I buy at the store, what I watch, what I do, say, think.... And only when I quit finding an excuse, a justification for what I am or am not doing, then and only then will I truly be in charge of me.  Because I absolutely refuse, REFUSE to be old and broken at 47.

Because I am the boss of me. Not my appetite, not my cravings, not my size, weight, inches, or anything else that is part of my mortal body. Because I am NOT my mortal body. It is only the thing that holds me while on this earth. And I and I alone am the boss and was put in charge of making it what it is or not.

But I truly believe that if I had not spent the past couple of years putting things into place, this realization would have been much harder to execute. But I am doing it, I am climbing that mountian and I will make it. One step at a time.

Now I am off to take a hike.

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