Tristi Rambles ... Again

It's my belief that none of our bloggers have died, because I'm pretty sure someone would have told me. So, moving forward on the premise that no one died, where the heck is everyone?

I've been in hiding, because I've done nothing I set out to do. Nothing, zip, nada. But I did have some insights. Will the insights equal weight loss? Will they be instrumental in my journey? Will I finally find the time to exercise and eat right? Will Lola learn that she's really the illegitimate daughter of the Count of Grunden and her brother is next in line but plans to kill her in case she decides to challenge that claim? Only time will tell.

1. Insight the First: we tend to start diets when we're angry. We get fed up with how we look or how we feel, we set goals that may or may not be realistic, and we go into the weight loss process disliking ourselves. That's counterproductive. We need to set our goals when we're calm and when we can look at ourselves objectively, and use words that will outline the situation without degrading ourselves. Rather than saying, "I'm such a fat slob. I need to lose a hundred pounds to even feel like a human," we need to be able to say, "I'm a hundred pounds overweight. I'm ready to make some choices that will help me lose that weight." Decisions made in anger are rarely good ones, so why do we make decisions about our health while we're angry with ourselves?

2. Insight the Second: this one is actually kind of a long story. But you're used to that from me. And since it's so dang quiet over here, I imagine you won't mind.

Last year, I started drinking Coke with my headache medicine because the medicine just wasn't strong enough any more and I didn't want to take a stronger medicine. Been there, done that, it wasn't pretty. So I started drinking Coke, and I noticed that I felt better overall drinking it. Well, for this last year, I've been feeling like a very bad Mormon and have tried to get off it a ton of times, only to find that I feel like garbage whenever I do. Logically, one would assume that I'm addicted to it and that I need to just cleanse it out of my body. Well, I've tried cleansing it out of my body a ton of times, and I still feel like garbage a month after going off. I have no energy, getting out of bed is just too hard, I can't think ... it's just not a good thing. So I sort of threw my hands in the air, confessed that I'm a Coke addict, and moved on.

Two weeks ago I went through another "trying-to-get-off-it" cycle. Didn't make it. Could barely function. I was going grocery shopping and my mom tagged along. I had announced my intention to go off the Coke, so I took back that announcement and told her that I was going to buy some. I had come to the realization that my adrenals hadn't been working, and so until I could figure that out, I was just going to drink the Coke.

"That makes sense," she said.

"Huh?" I said.

"You were diagnosed with poor adrenal function when you were three," she told me.

Um ... call me crazy, but that would have been way cool to know a long time ago.

Turns out they discovered it, no one knew what to do about it (keep in mind, this was the 70's) and so they just let it go.

So for 33 years, I've felt absolutely terrible, and I attributed it all to my thyroid. So I'd get my thyroid levels checked, they'd be fine, but I'd still feel terrible. Now, if I'd known I had an adrenal weakness, then I could have had that checked and gone from there.

Now, I know that my mom has had four children and it's hard to remember which child has which ailment. But I think it would have been nice for me to know this.

So the next step is to find out what one does for an adrenal problem. My mom can't remember if my adrenals just need help, or if they aren't working at all, and they've probably changed a lot in the last 30 years anyway. But I'm excited to find all this out. If we can kick-start these puppies into action, maybe I'll feel like a human again, and maybe I can stop drinking the Coke, and then I'll feel like a good Mormon again. I mean, after I stop doing all the other bad stuff I do. :)