Wow. These last two months have been pretty wild, and that's an understatement. Between my mom moving in to our already small house, and getting sick, and dealing with frisky kids and any number of other things, I feel like I've not only been derailed, but thrown off the train and run over by it. When I got on my Wii Fit the other day, it pretended to not even remember my name. (Sarcastic piece of equipment ...)
It's so easy to gain weight. It just happens and you don't have to do a single thing to cause it to happen ... just drift from day to day, not paying attention. Losing weight, on the other hand, takes a lot of attention, and I simply haven't had it to give. By the time I do all the stuff I'm supposed to be doing, and maybe get a shower in there too, I don't have anything left. This has been a constant source of frustration for two months now - having good intentions, and yet, not having the ability to do anything about it.
But the sickness is gone (I think) and my determination is growing. I've been a fat little chicky nearly my entire life. The picture I posted up top is of me and my dad, taken when I was seventeen. I'm not terribly overweight, but I'm overweight enough. My weight gain actually started when I was ten, when I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem, and it's been a battle for me ever since, made worse by compulsive overeating that started when my parents divorced. I'm tired of this being my life's pattern. I'm tired of telling myself that if I just accept myself how I am, I'll be a lot happier - guess what - I'm still not loving my weight, even after a lot of positive self-talk.
You may be wondering where all this rambling is going. I'm not really sure, but it feels good to vent. I want to change my life, but every time I try, it seems my life fights me. I'm going to have to get stronger than my life, take charge, control it and stop letting it control me. It's got to happen.
My goals for the rest of this week, and next: get back to the daily exercising. I can feel my body starting to weaken again, after all the time I spent strengthening it with regular exercise before. That's what I'll start on first, and I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck!