Saturday, February 20, 2010

Confessional?

How many people read this blog, anyway? I don't see a ton of comments, but . . . Anyway, I've debated about whether to say anything, but I'd really like to get some advice.

Over the years, my husband has made me feel really badly about myself because of my weight. Well, some would argue that no one can /make/ you feel a certain way. So maybe I should say that he said things over the years and now I feel bad. Hmmm.

Anyway, my point is that I think I sabotage myself because I'm afraid. You'd think it would go the other way around, but who can understand how the female subconscious works, anyway?

I really want to just be healthy and look good for ME. Who cares what anybody else thinks. Right??? But it doesn't work that way somehow.

What do I do? How do I get past this? Has anyone been in a similar situation, and been able to overcome it? I'm willing to listen to any advice, helpful or otherwise.

8 comments:

Sunny said...

I don't comment very often, but I am a faithful reader. I have this same problem. I have been bouncing off and on the same 5 pounds for the last three months. I still need to lose about 60, so 5 pounds down and then back up is pretty depressing. Self sabotage again and again. My husband is super supportive, so it is all me. I don't know how to change it either. I will be interested to hear if someone has an idea that will help. Hang in there. I am going to keep trying too.

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

Girl, we've all felt like you. And yes, others CAN make you feel bad. It's part of being a human been. You can say that no one can make you...blah blah blah, but honestly, it isn't true. We're human.

On to the other. I can't tell you how many times I've felt like you about my weight etc... Try the hcg diet. It has saved my life and is the only diet that has EVER worked for me.

Today, I am wearing a skirt to church I haven't been able to wear for 5 years. Two weeks ago, I tried it on, and it was still too tight. Last Fri. I started my 3rd stint of hcg and have lost 6 pounds this week.

Now THAT feels good. It seems shallow to say you want to look good, but there is something inside us, especially women that wants to be beautiful. Maybe it's the survival instinct. Who Knows? Now that I've lost 30 pounds, I FEEL different. I feel pretty, I feel sexy, I feel happy and motivated. My NEW clothes fit and I WANT to exercise. All things I haven't felt in years.

You need to do this for you though. Not for your husband. The hcg diet is not expensive if you don't go through a doctor. I'd be happy to fill you in or give any advice I can...if you want. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. But remember, what ever that is, just know your are worth it.

Lynn Parsons said...

Yep, I'm guilty of self-sabotage! But I've committed to a new eating program, and have joined a gym with a friend for motivation.

I'm doing it for the following reasons:

I don't want to have diabetes.
I'm in the process of testinfor glaucoma, and high blood pressure makes this worse. The prospect of blindness is a HUGE motivator.
I don't want to use a seatbelt extender on the airplane.
I'm tired.

Although many people have made me feel terrible about my weight, my decision, and reasons, are for me.

We have to make this choice for ourselves, and continue to make it every day.

Hang in there--you can do it!

Tristi Pinkston said...

Jenn, Melissa makes an excellent point. People do create certain emotions in us. If someone came up and yelled a whole bunch of profanity in your face, of course you'd be offended. You couldn't help it. Your responsibility comes in what you *do* about it. Do you hang on to it and replay it in your mind? Do you do the same thing back? Or do you try to move past it?

If someone belittles you repeatedly, it does affect you. And fear is perfectly normal. I love what Lynn said - make a list of all the reasons why you want to do this for you. Then focus on that.

You're a beautiful, awesome person, regardless of what you've been told. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

Jenn Wilks said...

Thanks for all your kind words, everyone. I really appreciate all the advice and I'm going to start working on some of those things.

I guess the biggest reason I'm struggling is because I may be finding myself back on the "meat market" one of these days in the near or not-so-near-but-sooner-than-later future, and I'm scared that no one will be interested in me if I don't lose the weight, but I'm also scared that if I do lose the weight and someone is interested in me, that they wouldn't have been if I hadn't lost it, and then if I gain it back someday in the future after I've remarried, that they aren't going to be any happier about it than the first one was.

Phew. That was a very long sentence. Don't even try to edit that one, Tristi. I think it's bigger than both of us. ;o)

Anyway, I really just need to do what I need to do for me to feel healthy and happy like you guys are saying, and trust that the rest of the junk will all work out.

Tristi said...

I don't edit blog comments. :)

You know what I really really think - don't even worry about the meat market. You need to spend some time getting to a place where you feel good about you. Once you've done that, you might find that you like yourself even with a few extra pounds. Then you can start looking for someone who likes you as much as you like yourself. For right now, just this minute, take the time to appreciate yourself and all your accomplishments and the fact that you're pretty awesome. I bet it's been a while since you found that. Men ... feh. Forget about 'em. You do your thing, and when the time is right, the right man will come along. You deserve to celebrate you for a little while.

berlinwritergirl said...

For me it is not my husband, he is supportive as all get out, but my dear sweet mother makes comment upon comment, even if I lose a little weight, either I am going to get some horrible disease because I had one coke that week (not looking that I used to have one a day) or I am eating carbs (even when they are whole grain). I get to the point that after I see her I want to go drink that coke just to..oh I don't know why really, but I sure want it!

I started my weight loss at the first of the year, so I have not had a lot of experience, though I lost 10 pounds in January and even though February has taken a dive for the worse, I have still kept 8 of them off. I think the thing that works best for me is just to take baby steps. I will sabotage myself everytime if I jump in full force.

So I had three bad weeks, I am starting this week just cutting out the sugar again. I will worry about adding something else to that next week.

Also, this blog has helped me a lot, because it makes me feel guilty, but in a good way. Tristi is the only person I know personally on here, but it is so nice to have a group of women (and a man :)) that are all trying to do the same thing I am and are willing to admit when they do good or when they are struggling.

You have to do it for you first, but just know you have a support system here that is really unlike any other I have found.

Marta O. Smith said...

Darn. I wrote this really profound comment yesterday, but it didn't save. I think I'll blog about it over on my personal blog, because this really got me thinking.

To sum it up. You are a writer, Jenn. You know that words can evoke powerful emotions. Words can hurt, no matter what anyone else says. They also have the power to help. Instead of telling yourself things like "I am so fat and ugly," tell yourself in the mirror "I am beautiful and these extra fat cells do not belong on my body."