Catching Up ...

Time to get back on track after Christmas, time for a new blog template, and time for an update from Tristi.

I am totally in love with the Game On! diet. I took a month's hiatus because I picked up several pretty large editing jobs and also got sick, and I have learned about myself that I can't concentrate on too many things at once. I used to be able to, but that was in another life, when I was younger, before I had four kids. So I took December off, and unfortunately, I did gain back some of the weight (there was some munching and crunching that took place) but I'm gearing up to start again on January 7th. If any of you would like to join me, just let me know - tristipinkston@gmail.com

In the meantime, I'm able to see how my body is reacting to healthy living and then not healthy living. It doesn't like it. It chooses to be healthy. So I'm going to go back to giving my body what it wants - and feeling like I finally have the power to do it. Power ... is awesome.

Post Baby Body

I'm back!

It'll be 4 weeks tomorrow since I had my baby boy. He was 9 lbs. 6 oz. and we named him Lincoln.

I love the immediate loss of almost 20 lbs. However, I am fairly certain I am now at the point where I have to work to get the rest of the weight gain off. I am nursing, so that will help, but that alone won't get me to where I was pre-pregnancy. I need to lose just over 20 lbs. to reach that point. That won't get me to where I need to be though. That weight was where I was after my miscarriage last summer, the baby weight from that I never bothered to attempt to work off--I padded it and my emotions with Blue Bell Ice Cream instead.

So now I am ready to start losing more of this weight. When and how still remains a slight mystery. I have my beloved exercise DVDs, but now I have 4 kids ages 5 and under. Any suggestions?

I feel like I should write down specific goals instead of just a blanket goal of "losing weight." So here they are.
By Christmas. . .
1. I want to be down to 145 lbs.
2. I want to be comfortably wearing my non-maternity shirts.
3. I want to be down one jeans size.

To do this I will . . .

1. Not eat after 9:30 PM (I know I shouldn't eat after 7 or something, but I'm being realistic here. Every time I nurse I snack, so that means I'm snacking all day and all night long, even at 3 AM).

2. Ride my exercise bike for 15 minutes (doesn't have to be consecutive) after taking my oldest daughter to school, but before my oldest son goes to school.

3. Workout to either my walking video or pilates video 2X a week, and try to work up to 3X a week.

So there it all is.  Sorry, this was a lot of thinking out loud for me, but I'm hopeful it will help.

Down another 6 pounds.

It's taken me 4 months to lose another 6 pounds. Slow, but steady. As long as I'm not gaining, I'm happy. I've wanted to lose this excess weight for at least 8 years. So, even though I've only lost 16 pounds total this year, I'm still VERY proud of myself. It's 16 pounds I hope to never get back.

Started out at 198 this year. Now down to 182. Woot!!

Tristi the Champion

I just have to tell ya, I'm really feeling proud of myself right now. Not proud in the stuck-up, snotty, "I'm better than you" way, but proud in the "I feel good about myself and the things I've learned and implemented in my life" way.

I told you about the Game On! diet I started in September. Well, that game goes for a month, and the one I had joined ended, and the participants decided not to go another round. I was geared up and ready to go! I'd lost nine pounds that month, and there was no way I was going to let that head start go to waste. I contacted several friends and we started up our own teams. I'm now down 10.6 pounds, and I'm seeing so many differences in myself, it's amazing.

Here are some of the differences:

1. I like to exercise now. I like the way it feels to sweat, and I like pushing myself just a little bit further each time.

2. I like the way healthy food tastes. 99% of my meals are healthy now, and I'm really concentrating on getting the right balance of nutrients in my body.

3. I used to drink Coke every day, trying to stave off headaches. I'm now down to about once a week.

4. That's because the headaches are starting to go away. Turns out, they were caused by food additives. When I eat really super clean, with no food additives, I do not have headaches.

5. I am more limber and flexible.

6. I have more stamina.

7. Moving around isn't as difficult for me.

8. I feel more energetic.

9. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the fat woman who totally let herself go and is out of control. I see a woman who is doing her best every day to improve the quality of her life.

All of this is in addition to the 10.6 pounds lost. Weight loss doesn't just make your body smaller - it takes you on a journey of discovering yourself and appreciating yourself.

A year ago, I felt there was no way I could do this. But I've finally hit on a system that works for me, and I'd like to invite all of you to join me next month for the next game of the Game On! diet. If you're interested in learning more, e-mail me at tristipinkston AT gmail.com

Someone to keep my promises too

The more I try and fail, the more I realize that if I’m going to win the battle of the bulge, I must have a continued source of external commitment. Be it a blog, weight loss support group or whatever. So, I’m back online and looking for support and someone to keep my promises too.
The past two months have been rough on my waistline. It’s crazy to think that I actually lost weight during one of my most stressful and normally junk-food-ridden times of my year and then actually gained weight during the ensuing period of peace and ease. My initial success all boiled down to my having a plan and my having made a personal and public commitment and even a commitment to God. Once the commitment period ended, so did my responsible eating behavior. The good news it, I’m not dead yet! There is still time to regroup and now is that time.
Yesterday was a good day. I’m tracking my calories again and it really does help. The weather was perfect for some outdoor exercise and I managed to order a green salad topped with grilled chicken while out to dinner with a friend.
Today is going to be awesome. The only trouble I see will come this evening when I will be traveling to Gunnison, it’s the kind of road trip that traditionally means excessive snacking. I’m going to take some bottled water and maybe some grapes or pretzels or something else along those lines. Please expect me to give a report on how I did because I’ll need your encouragement to succeed.
I’m also looking for another 5k to prepare for so if you have any suggestions or would like to run with me, let me know.

Hmmm . . .

Okay. Goals for now. DO NOT look at the scale. I'm actually still fitting into most of my clothes that I fit into at the beginning of the summer--some are more snug than what they used to be, but I don't feel like I've made a huge jump in weight--just an insidious gain that I'm steadfastly ignoring.

Goal 1: Stick to 1400 calories, and don't eat sugar during those days.

Goal 2: Have one cheat day a week, when I eat whatever I want, including sugar.

Goal 3: Exercise--bike three times a week, do weights twice a week, and taekwondo twice a week (at home since we can't afford to pay for classes right now).

That's it. Achieve those goals and do them for a month . . . THEN step on the scales, and face up to reality.

I've incorporated some decent habits--other than not exercising and eating too much sugar. I'm an emotional eater, so one of the things I've started doing is when I come home from school (ie a long day of stress), I tell myself that I have to chew some gum for a while and drink a certain amount of water before I have whatever I darn well please. So I'm giving myself permission to pig out, but at the same time I'm giving myself some time to recover from the emotional stresses of the day. I find that more often than not--especially if I drink the water--that by the time my gum has lost its flavor and blowing-bubbles-elasticity that I have the self control to not go pig out.

But not all the time!

Linking to Another Post

I had an "ah, ha!" moment last night and decided to blog about it on my regular blog. You can read it here.

How's Tristi Doing?

I'm doing pretty darned well!

Turns out the diet game I'm playing is called Game On! Here's the website for it, although there is a little bit of language, just so you know. And here's a book review that's pretty comprehensive.

Essentially, it takes the principles we already know - eat lean meats, eliminate or greatly reduce sugar, drink a lot of water, get rid of soda, get enough sleep, exercise - but it turns it into a game and you either get points for healthy behavior or lose points for unhealthy behavior. For some reason, this approach is really working for me. Since last Thursday, I've lost 4 and 6/10th pounds. Woohoo!! You get a day off and you get a meal off some other time during the week, and you also get 100 calories a day to spend on whatever you want, so there is some leeway.

I'm a pretty competitive person, so knowing that I'm working for a team effort is really helping me. There are three people on my team and three on the other, and our points are being added up and compared. I haven't heard this week's tally yet - yesterday was check-in day - but I feel good about my contribution to the pot. I really am focusing and trying hard to stay on target, and it's showing ... in addition to the weight loss, I've lost an inch off my hips and an inch off my waist. Woohoo!!

Very Interesting Indeed ...

I started this new diet plan last Wednesday, and despite taking Saturday off, I've lost 5.5 pounds since then. I don't know what's different about this plan than others I've tried, but it really seems to be working. I don't know if it's keeping track of points and having to report them, or the specific way of eating, but I'm really impressed. I'm just hoping that I'm not jinxing anything by announcing how much I've lost. :)

If you guys are interested in trying out the program, go over to Facebook, send a friend request to Andi Jensen Sherwood, and tell her you'd like to get in on the next game. It seriously is helping me out.

Funny exercise story - we went to the regional conference yesterday, but we missed that we could go to our own church to see it. Hubby got told by his home teaching companion that we had to go to the Marriott Center. Well, the place was absolutely packed. We ended up parking over at the temple and walking to the Marriott Center, only to find that there were no seats, at all, even in the hallway on the floor. So we walked over to the DeJung concert hall to the overflow. And then afterward, we walked back. Yeah, I got me in about an hour's worth of walking, completely by accident. :) But it looked good on the scale this morning!

At any rate, I'm feeling more hopeful than I have for a while. And hope is a very good thing.

Cautiously optimisitc

I have 3 weeks of working behind me and so far so good. I have only been able to go hiking twice because it is too early and dark and no time to get ready for work, or too hot or too much to get done when I get home.  But I have been able to continue doing my yoga in the mornings before work and my 10 minute Dance it Off cd.  I also make sure to wear my pedometer to work. My goal is to take more than 10,000 steps each day. I read that that is the point at which your body starts losing weight. Whether that is true or not is beside the point for me, the more steps I take the better, right?

So I found out the other day that if I walk every single hall and take at least 3 of the staircases at work, one round is almost enough steps to make a mile.  I found that out by accident when I had to deliver something to every single teacher and had only 20 minutes to do it. That was the first day I did almost 10,000 steps at work. 

Each day I try to do more than I did the day before. It gets me up and moving, it gets me out in the halls between classes and sometimes during class so I see and meet more of the students and that is a good thing.  Then every other day I try to walk on the treadmill doing one of the pre-programmed workouts. 

So far I have done great, so I am cautiously optimistic that I will be able to maintain this level of activity and wellness and continue with weight loss and healing and getting well.  Today my daughter has a soccer match, so I will be walking on the track during half-time. Maybe. I have homework I am taking with me, so maybe it will be the treadmill after the game.

Saturday I did 5 miles on the treadmill- 2 preprogrammed workouts in 1 hour.  I was only going to do one, but when it was done, I barely had accelerated breathing and felt I could do more. So I went upstairs and re-filled my water bottle then went back downstairs and did the next harder workout. It was almost easy as well.  That was exciting to me- 5 miles that was almost easy, barely breathing hard and able to carry on a conversation with my son that was watching a movie with me while I walked. 4 months ago I could barely do no incline and speeds 3-4 for 15 minutes and here I was doing incline 6 speed 6-7 for 60 minutes and barely feeling it!

And did you know it takes 12,200 steps to equal 5 miles?

Still here

Still not losing weight.

Still running triathlons.

Still incredibly out of shape despite running triathlons.

Still seeing a personal trainer.

Still getting my butt kicked by my personal trainer.

Still attempting to count calories.

Still eating a crap diet anyway.

Still wishing there was a magic bullet.

Still depressed because there isn't one.

Still discouraged.

Still holding on to a shred of hope that I can actually do this.

Still wanting to get and give encouragement on this blog.

Still glad I have someplace to come to whine.

Still hoping to have something to say here that isn't whiny.

Still.

Resetting the Timer

As you all know, I've had a ton of fits and starts on this journey of mine. I have awesome intentions, I know what steps I need to take, and then I peter out after about fifteen minutes. The reasons, in the past, have been these:

1. I am an emotional eater, and I don't know how to cope with my emotions except through eating. I don't have a tool that's stronger for me than food.

2. My body strength is such that I wear out very quickly, and so any kind of sustained exercise program is difficult for me.

3. I've struggled with making myself a priority.

Because of these factors, my weight loss has been a no-go. Because of key factors from my childhood, whenever I start to eat more healthy foods, I feel as though I'm depriving myself, and my alarm bells go off. I've also felt less-than-worthy to be beautiful and healthy.

Then add into the mix the year I've had:

1. Car accident - muscle damage, concussion, overall weakness

2. Passing of my father

3. Financial stress

I've been beating myself up for my lack of progress. I was all set to go when I realized how close I was to hitting 300 pounds, and then I hit a huge emotional wall and decided I didn't care if I weighed 300 pounds. To be honest, I might. I haven't weighed myself since. The depression just got me and I didn't fight it hard enough.

It wasn't until about two weeks ago that I realized something important - I still haven't recovered mentally or emotionally from the car wreck. This realization hit when I discovered that I broke the money. I've been paying the bills for our family since our marriage, and all of a sudden, we were getting calls from creditors telling us we hadn't paid. I handed the checkbook to my husband, and he couldn't make heads or tails of it. Whatever I've been writing down for the last few months, it's not English. On my next doctor visit, I asked, "Is it possible I'm still having concussion symptoms?" I told him what had been going on - my general inability to cope, my desire to get things done but not being able to, my inability to reason things out. "Yes," he said. "And it could take up to a year before you're fully recovered."

Wow, thanks, doctor. That's very comforting.

So in the meantime, my husband has taken over the money. And I've had to realize that life may be a little different for me for a while. I can still be creative, and I can still write and edit - the right side of my brain wasn't bothered in the crash, it was the left side that got the concussion. This explains why I can't do math, figure things out, or remember to do things. Thank goodness I can still write and can still work! But I need to be more patient with my coping ability. Fact is, coping is hard for me right now, and I need to just allow myself time to get over it. I can't make major life changes when I'm fundamentally off-balance.

All that said ... I'm trying something new.

Because the fundamentals are off-balance, I've just joined a team for a weight loss game. It starts on Thursday. Essentially, you get points for healthy eating, sleeping, water consumption, and exercise. You get time off without penalties, but you do get penalized for breaking the rules (eating candy, drinking soda, etc.) I'm going to give it a try and see how I do. If I can get these fundamentals down and make them a habit, I think I'll be a lot better off than trying to do it myself without daily reminders. It's my rememberer that's broken, so I need help in that department.

I'll check in and let you know how it goes, in addition to posting the rules.

And thanks for letting me ramble.

Great Expectations?

Here we are, one and a half weeks into the school year. One full week of no morning hiking. And I realized that the unexpected has happened for me. I miss it. Really, I do.

When I was in high school I had a P.E. class that was running.  That is what it was called, Running. And in class we, get this, ran. Everyday. For 4 minutes. We had 55 minute classes, so P.E. went for 40 minutes for activity, 5 minutes to dress out at the beginning and 5 minutes to dress down at the end of class. Sometimes we ran around the track- boring and I hated it and was slow at it. Sometime we ran cross country around the neighborhoods around the school. I liked that and was pretty good and fast. But it was never my favorite activity.  I would have prefered dance, but it was not offered at my highschool and I lived in the middle of nowhere in a town that is not even a map dot. In fact I went to school in a different town than the one in which I lived, and that town is a map dot, but not much else. So the opportunity to take dance? slim to none.

But I digress. I went to college- far, far away and the opportunity to take dance was suddenly all around me. And so I availed of that opportunity and I was dancing everyday, except Sunday and even then sometimes in the kitchen when no one was looking. And I didn't have to run.

Then I got married and all joy was ripped out of my life and my dancing ceased. And I had babies and gained weight.

I tried to walk it off. I would start by just walking around the block. And I would last  for about a week. Two at the most. It was hard and it made me hurt and I would just stop, telling myself that I will start again- next week. So the beginning of this past summer when I decided to start hiking in order to hike the trail without stopping, my biggest concern was my history of starting again- next week. And I tried to not have huge expectations. That is why I made my  goal simply to be able to hike the trail without stopping. And I did, on August 16. I did it in 16 minutes, without stopping. (I blogged about it here)

Throughout the summer I hiked 30+ miles, lost 15 lbs (well 14.6) and 2 inches from all of my measurements. I feel better, look better and will soon be off some of my meds. I knew all of those things would be a side benefit- if I didn't stop. And I feel that the Lord blessed me to help me continue on. To have the committment level to get out of bed in the mornings, even when I wanted to stay and laze around- read, sleep, whatever. To continue putting one foot in front of the other, even when I didn't think I could.  And for some reason this time it was not hard.

But when I tried walking on a track the other day? My knees hurt, my back hurt, and I just had to stop. and when we hiked up to Timpanogos cave? Same thing. Hmmm, asphalt trail, asphalt track, asphalt neighborhood route = pain and stopping. Dirt trail, dirt hike= stamina and no pain and willingness to go on even when it is hard.

And the biggest surprise of all? Since school started I have only been able to hike outside once and I miss it. Really miss it. When I find myself outside, I feel a pull to the mountain and a desire to lace up my shoes, shoulder my camel back, grab my poles and hit the trail. I long for it. And I never, ever expected that. 

**********************************************************************************************
I just did 2.8 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill and it feels so good to be moving again.
I do 20-30 minutes of yoga every morning and it feels great. I started a new one this week and I can really feel it in my abs. I have been wearing my pedometer to work to count my steps and I have a goal of 10,000 steps/day. The most I have done is 9,500.
And I have a goal of losing 15-20 more lbs and walking either outside or on the treadmill 2-3 times a week. I have had to become  inventive- walking around the field during half time of my daughter's soccer game, parking further away from the soccer field so I have to walk further to get there, making sure I take the long route around the school when going from one place to another, doing leg stretchs while working the till in the lunch room- up on my tip toes then rock to my heels, stand on one foot for one transaction then the other for the next. It just looks like I am bored and can't stand still, but it feels good and burns calories.

5K update and Mockingjay

I drove my regular walking route (regular referring to the direction I usually take and not to frequency) and discovered it is 2 miles, not just 1 as I thought. So I'm not so good with estimating distances. The 5K this Saturday would be about 3.1 miles. That would be a little bit of a stretch, but not so much it would kill me.

Unfortunately, my husband's aunt died and the funeral is this Saturday in Utah. The same day as the 5K. Because of other factors, like work schedules, we are still deciding whether to go to the funeral, which means my participation in the 5K is in limbo. We'll see what happens.

But I have a new motivation for walking. I bought the e-book of Mockingjay, which I have been dying to read. So I made this contract with myself that I can read 1 chapter for each mile I walk. This evening I did my 2-mile route. Then later I needed to make a quick trip to the store and decided to walk there with a couple extra blocks thrown in to make it a full mile. So I got to read three chapters tonight. And Chapter 3 is one of those mini cliffhangers and I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! So it is likely I will drag myself out of bed a little earlier in the morning to get in some walking/reading.

And it occurs to me, I walked 3 miles today. That is nearly the equivalent of a 5K. I had some Writing Excuses podcasts on my MP3, which made it nearly painless. Well, other than the sweaty and sore part. But it made it not boring. Seriously, with the right motivation, I could walk a 5K every day. Maybe I don't need to pay an entrance fee and get the shirt. I'd rather use the entrance fee to buy another book or two. And I have plenty of shirts. In smaller sizes. That I would like to wear again.

Can she do it?

Ok, I go back to work today. Granted it is just for today and I don't go back for the school year until next week. Yikes! Where did the summer go?

When I made it my goal at the beginning of summer to defeat the hike that I thought would be the death of me, I was really scared that I would give up, roll over and play dead until time to actually die. I am impressed with myself that I have been consistent and that the hike is now enjoyable and I look forward to it. And more than that, I now only stop once for about 90 seconds and then I am off and can do the hike in 8-10 minutes as opposed to the 45 it took me the first time.

Now the scary part is when I can no longer go in the mornings. Like today. I would be almost at the top of the hike right now, but I would not have time to get home and showered and changed in time to be at work at 7:30 and when school starts I have to be there at 7:15. So, no more morning hiking. Except on Saturday. I am going to try to go in the afternoon/evenings from now on, but am not sure how that is going to actually work if it is 90-100* because I can't be out in the heat.  So we will see how it goes.

This morning I did 2 yoga cds and my 10 minute dance it off video and feel pretty good about that and if it is too hot, I will run on the treadmill when I get home. I am determined to lose the rest of this weight, but more than that, I have enjoyed feeling better this summer and I will be healthy and will not let work get in my way.

ETA

After work I checked my mail, fixed a yummy ceasar salad pizza, (I'll post the recipe sometime. It was seriously yummy) filled my camel back bladder with water and the pack part with my lip gloss, camera, wallet, phone and keys, changed my clothes, put my Sketchers Shape ups on, grabbed the kiddos and headed out. We did the hike that we normally would have done this morning. But can we say everyone in the city was doing the hike for FHE tonight?  I think I like mornings better- it is cooler and quieter and less crowded.  But I did it. So that makes a small workout in the morning and a hike in the evening and I feel great.

I am amazed that all day I was wanting the clock to move faster so I could come home and go hiking. Really? Two months ago I would have called you crazy if you had suggested that I would crave hiking. I have never liked it very much, but now my body wants to move, move, move! This is very exciting to me. But we will have to see what my body says come winter and snow and cold and no way I am climbing that mountian.  Will I want to get on the treadmill or do an exercise cd? We'll see.

Now, I am off for a long soak in the tub with a good book.
Night all!

It was like having a lemon ripped from my chest!

No, really it was. I know I have been a major slacker. I am not proud to say that I have no weight loss to report over the last few months, especially since I started the year with a bang. But I just started not feeling good, and got so tired all the time, and was having trouble sleeping. And so when I first started to notice my chest getting a little flabby, I just got depressed and thought "I am fatter than ever." Luckily I didn't hold that belief for long, especially when the area just below my bra line started to ache all the time, and I went to the doctor.
Turns out I had a tumor the size of a lemon that had been growing more inside than out (hence how it got so big I didn't notice) and it had been pushing against my lungs (hence the lack of oxygen that effected pretty much everything). So it is now out and luckily benign and I can really say it has taken a weight off my chest!
So I guess that means I am back. With no more excuses I need to start eating right, working out, and avoiding all those things I know are bad for me. One of those is to cut down on Coke since I really got re-addicted because I was using it to help me get through the days. I am not going to lie and say I will never drink it again, but I am going to try to go down to a couple times a week instead of daily and go from there.
I will check in next week hopefully a pound or two lighter and feeling better, both physically and emotionally.

Catching Up ...

First off, I'm so excited to read through the posts for the last little bit and see the progress that has been made. Way to go, ladies - I really could not be more proud of you.

I'm not sure what happened to me. I'm still super-exhausted and I hit a patch of, "I just don't care right now." I got out of the 290's and then I just crashed. I haven't weighed since, and it all seems too hard. I need to get myself replenished and built back up, but every time I think I am, I crash again. The car accident + my dad's illness + my dad's funeral + not enough sleep + not eating enough nutrients + stress with work + stress with social situations + stress with finances + stress with family = Tristi just doesn't care right now.

I'm trying to, I really am. But I may just need more time.

One step at a time

I am still hiking 3 times a week. It has been an adventure, to say the least- stepping on snakes, (well almost stepping on one anyway), hikers in front of us finding dead bodies, exploring new territories, feeling better, getting stronger, losing pounds and inches. And I am finding on days that I don't go hiking, my body starts craving that movement, that exercise, that euphoria that comes after I am home again. Best exercise routine I ever embarked upon.  (see this post for an explination of some of the afore mentioned exploits)

So it was with pleasure that I stepped on the scale this morning and I am down 10.2 lbs since the beginning of June. I am now at 175.6. That is so exciting to me. (Tristi, you could update the sidebar if you want and have the time)

I was thinking about what changed for me and why it seems so much easier this time around.

1. I already spent a year revamping my diet- with diet meaning the way I eat as opposed to a temporary food change. I think that has made a huge difference. I stopped looking at diet as a temporary change and looking at it as what it really is- the way I eat. I no longer feel deprived of food because I am not "on a diet" but "eat a healthy diet". I no longer think about what I can't have until I am off my diet, because I am no longer on a diet. What I eat is fuel for my body, not my soul, so there are no forbidden foods, only foods that are good fuel or not so good fuel.

2. I have dealt with a lot of the painful past and feelings and things that were blocking me. Things, hurts, wrongs, injustices, etc. that I felt I needed to hold on to in order to protect myself from being hurt again, or so I could justify my; hurt, anger, disgust, sadness, pain... When I learned to free myself of all that, I could free myself of weight that I could just not let go of. Have I resolved everything? Not even close, but I have learned how to work on it and know when I am holding on and what to do about it. But I still have a long ways to go in this area.

3. I think this is the biggest thing that I have learned this summer- I am the boss of me. What I mean by this is simply this: I was sent here on earth to learn how to become master over my mortal body, to learn how to make this body subject to the spirit, not to let it rule. Because really, if I let the mortal body rule, the choices and decisions it makes will almost always be wrong or hurtful. When I went to the dr. in early June and he started listing the things wrong with me, the things my body was deficient in, the things that were going to be wrong, I got mad. I was making good choices and doing what I thought were the "right" things and still I was having issues. Life is not fair! that was my first reaction.

Then I decided that yes, life is not always fair, but it is not about what is and is not fair. I could choose to be old and broken and wait to die, or I could refuse to be old and broken and choose to live. Who exactly was in charge here? Me or my body? and I choose me. I and I alone choose whether I exercise everyday or not. I and I alone choose what I put into my mouth, what I buy at the store, what I watch, what I do, say, think.... And only when I quit finding an excuse, a justification for what I am or am not doing, then and only then will I truly be in charge of me.  Because I absolutely refuse, REFUSE to be old and broken at 47.

Because I am the boss of me. Not my appetite, not my cravings, not my size, weight, inches, or anything else that is part of my mortal body. Because I am NOT my mortal body. It is only the thing that holds me while on this earth. And I and I alone am the boss and was put in charge of making it what it is or not.

But I truly believe that if I had not spent the past couple of years putting things into place, this realization would have been much harder to execute. But I am doing it, I am climbing that mountian and I will make it. One step at a time.

Now I am off to take a hike.

Is that what I really look like?

Hey, everybody, I'm back! For a while there, I was so sick of dieting. I just didn't have the mental energy to do it anymore. I had sort of convinced myself that I was okay. I mean, I'm only about 40 pounds overweight. That's not such a big deal, right? Then I went to my 30-year high school reunion. Everyone insisted on taking pictures. Here's me with two of my good friends, Debbie and Melissa.



That's me on the right. Of course, I am standing next to Melissa, who hasn't changed much since high school, except she looks better. Debbie, on the left, has really been through a lot since we graduated, and she still looks good. I look like someone brought their mother to the reunion. The bags under my eyes are so big the airlines would charge extra luggage fees. And that weird expression on my face? I think someone made me laugh. But I couldn't just relax and smile, because deep down I knew I looked terrible (especially compared to these two) and I was feeling so uncomfortable. I hate having my picture taken.

So here I am again. I need to challenge myself and so I will be participating in the Mesa Falls Marathon on August 28. Don't get too excited. There's a marathon, a half marathon, a 5K, and a 1 miler. I'll be in the 1 miler, or possibly the 5K. My normal walking route is 1 mile. I just need to bump up my speed. And train. A lot.

Beyond that, my main goal is to lose weight, get healthy, have some really good pictures taken, and plaster them on Facebook so all my old classmates can see them.

Happy dance time

I just came home from the doctor's office. Good things are going on here.
Blood Pressure- down. He has me on 1/2 of the lowest possible medication and I am still going down. Soon I will be off!!
Weight- down 6 lbs in 4 weeks!! He said good job, keep it up, and we set a goal for 30 more pounds. I would like 60, but have to be realistic here.

I have continued hiking 3 times a week and it has gotten easier every day. My daughter started taking the GPS with us to track distance and time. We found out that the hike to the water fall is 1/2 mile. The GPS tracks moving time and stopped (resting) time. When we first started taking the GPS we were taking 13 minutes moving time to get to the falls with 13 minutes stopped.  Friday she and I made it to the falls with only 5 minutes stopped and 8 minutes moving!! And then we hiked another 3/10 mile above the falls.

My goal is still to make to the falls with less than 60 seconds stopped time.

Still here

I haven't written on here for awhile, but nothing weight significant has happened. I lost 10 pounds and quit losing. I know why. It's because I haven't been working on losing weight. I've done well enough to keep steady with my weight. Now I need to get myself moving more and start losing weight again.

I'm at 188 and I (like Tristi) don't want to see the higher weight again. I'm out of the 190's and I don't want to go back.

Hopefully the next post will be to exclaim that I've lost weight again. And hopefully it isn't 3 months down the road.

Stress Levels Still High

Stress levels still high, high, high . . . and eating is now high, high, high too. With all these highs you'd think I'd be happier.

Nope. I'm scared to step on the scales. I can feel the weight I've gained. On the upside we go to Phoenix in a few days and my friend's hubby has an aunt and uncle who have a sweet swimming pool and we're planning on going every day while we're there. So at least I'll be doing some exercising!

I'll let you know when I get my courage up to weigh myself!

Hooray!

If I were Irish, I would say, "Saints be praised!" and then probably something in Gaelic. But I'm not Irish. I think I have one Irish person in my whole line. I'm Welsh, British, and Norwegian, and I'm not sure what they would say. So I'll just leave it at "hooray" and maybe a "yeehaw."

I have left the land of the 290's.

That's right - as of this morning, I am 287.5. Phew!

The Land of the 290's is a terrible place to be. All the plants are dead, it's too hot, and it's dreary. You might pass someone on the path, but no one ever says hello. It's a miserable place ... oh, and there's piped-in piano music a la Floyd Cramer.

I am so glad to be back in the 280's. It's not an amusement park, but there is some color to the sky and the animals don't bite as much.

I remember passing through the Land of the 270's. They sort of whizzed past - I wasn't there very long. I'd like to return, get the lay of the land, maybe buy some postcards. That's next on my travel itinerary.

But I'm never, ever, ever going back to the 290's. Ever.

The Best-Laid Plans

Since I last posted, I've had a few bumps along the way. My food choices have been mostly good ... mostly ... and exercise has been happening more frequently. But on Saturday night, I got really sick - inhaling all that smoke from the fireworks did a number on me, and walking back to the van from the fireworks display, my left hip went out and my leg stopped working. I sent my husband up ahead to get the car to come pick me up. Since then, I've been battling nausea, but the leg has repented.

But I'm not giving up. I've decided that while giving up is very, very tempting, it's not going to happen. How can I give up when I'm not happy? I don't think a person should ever be content to lay a project down until they're happy with how it turned out, or feel peace about walking away. There's no peace happening here. So, I'm not giving up.

A Hike With a View

This is another repost from my personal blog. I did another hike post today as well.

Up the street from the high school, by the town water tanks, is a little park with a pavalion for picnics and get togethers. I didn't even know the pavalion was there until last week, so I am not sure how long it has been there. But then I don't go to this particular park very often. In fact, I think Ethan was a baby the last time I actually got out of my car and wasn't just dropping a child off for an activity. And that time it was winter and we were sledding.

Anyway, this park also it the trail head for some hikes in the foothills around town. A couple weeks ago Brandi's Activity day leader handed me the schedule for the summer activity days. 1 a month for the next 3 months. The first one was a mother/daughter hike up to the water fall just above this park. It was scheduled for a Thursday evening. My first thought, I am sorry to say, was that I was glad it was a Thursday because Brandi has soccer practice at the exact time of the hike so I wouldn't have to go.

Well, when Brandi saw the schedule she asked if she could skip soccer just this one time. Pleeeaaseee?

Ok, it was a mother/daughter thing, and a church thing and who am I to tell her that soccer is more important than mother/daughter stuff, or church stuff? And besides, she has been meeting with her trainer, and had that extra 5 hours last week at Velocity training, and gone to every single practice since she started. So it was agreed that we would go.

And wouldn't you know it, that day turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far- almost 100*. Have I ever told you that I don't do well in the heat? Well I don't. I wilt and get physically ill. Not a pretty site. But I drank a lot of water that day and borrowed a camel back from the kids' dad and Brandi took Jess's and we set out at the appointed time. Somehow we were still about 10 minutes late. Don't know how that happened because it isn't that far from our house. But the rest of the group had gone on already. So that left Brandi and me along with 2 other moms and daughters that pulled up at the same time.

So I have never been up to the falls. The kids have all been, but for one reason or another, I have never made the trip with them so I had no idea what kind of hike this was going to be. Easy and gradual strolling? Steep and hard almost rock climbing? Wide walking and talking trail? Narrow, hang on for dear life goat path? I had no idea. So I asked the kids how they thought I would do.

Jess said I would be able to do it, it was a fairly easy hike. I asked Ethan if I needed to wear pants so I wouldn't get scratched on tree limbs etc. or would my capris be ok. He told me that capris would be fine because it was a wide path. "In fact they take vehicles up it mom, so it is pretty wide and easy."

So I am thinking we have an easy and gradual strolling walk and why have I not ever gone before. And those of you that have been up there can quit laughing now.

Dirt path, yes wide enough for a vehicle, but it is not a smooth path, it is full of rocks and gravel and tree roots. And it is not gradual. And within the first few yards I knew it was not going to be as easy as the preprogrammed workouts on the treadmill- even with the highest incline setting.

I felt old and broken. And poor Brandi kept going ahead and then stopping and coming back for me, asking if I was alright and trying to stay with me. Then I heard water cascading over rocks. And then this came into my view.

And I was hoping we were there and that the hike wasn't really that bad, just needed to do it a few more times so I could keep up with Brandi. Then we got this close and I realized that it was not the water fall but just a mini fall of water. And the trail in front of me only got steeper and narrower. I used taking this picture as an excuse to stop and really catch my breath and give myself a little pep talk along the lines of those that Jillian Micheals give people on The Biggest Loser.

It is about here that the trail is no longer accessable by vehicle. By this time the other two moms were so far ahead that I could no longer hear them walking. But every time I wanted to say, "I can't" I thought of Jillian saying "What do you mean can't? Don't you ever say those words to me" and I took one more step- just to that tree, just to that bend, just to that little flat place... And Brandi never got mad or impatient, just kept encourging me on. Until

Brandi had fun playing with the other girls in the water while I sat on a rock and chatted with the other moms.

I had Brandi take a picture of me before we left, just as proof that I actually made it up there.

Of course going down was much easier, and faster,than going up. I also decided that it was pathetic that the hike up was so hard for me. I am not sure how far it is from the trail head to the falls. My pedometer said it was 2 miles round trip,(but the same pedometer said it was only 1 step from my laundry room to my living room when it is across the room, up a flight of stairs and down a short hall). Trevor said he thought it was a mile up. There is a little sign at the trail head giving the distance to 3 places, but since there is no sign at the falls, I have no idea if they are one of those places or not.

So back to it being pathetic that it was so hard, I decided that this summer is not going to pass by without me conquering this trail. I am going to hike until I can do it without soundng like the big bad wolf. But I am going to do it in the early morning hours when it is not so hot.

In fact, the girls and I went yesterday morning and it wasn't as hard as last Thursday. My biggest problem was my ankle where I tore all those tendons and ligaments when I broke my foot. But they will only get stronger, right?

This is headed back down. Brandi put on Jess's hoodie because it was kinda chilly down in the shadows next to the falls

This is the trail that branches off of the main trail

and goes down to the falls.

So the plan is to hike up to the falls every Monday and Friday morning. On Wednesday we are going to hike a different trail that Jess found the other day. Tuesday and Thursday I will continue strength training. And at the end of summer I will take that hike and maybe Brandi will have to hurry to catch up with me.

On a totally unrelated note, just after you get back on th main trail after coming up from the falls, this is the view

See that red building? The tannish builing right in front of it is where I used to work.

---

Indeed.

A Sharp Slap in the Face

Yes, it's wake-up call time ...

I mentioned that I've been scared to get on the scale. Well, there was good reason for me to be afraid ... very afraid. This is the only place where I'm posting my weight, and I trust you will all be very kind to me ...

290.2

That's right. In 9.8 pounds, I will weigh 300 pounds. This is what happens when you let things just happen and you don't take control of them. I've gained 6 pounds since the car accident.

I absolutely refuse to weigh 300 pounds. I will not do it. Not gonna, no how, no way.

And yet, if I continue to be oblivious, that's what will happen, and at my current rate, I'd be there before Thanksgiving. Not a lot to be thankful for there, is there?

So, starting today, I'm taking control. Breakfast was a banana and a handful of Spanish peanuts, and a small bowl of low-sugar cereal, because I haven't been to the store to get non-sugar cereal. Lunch hasn't happened yet, but when it does, I'm going to be taking charge of it. I'm also going to be Tweeting my progress regularly. Follow me at #goTristigo I think that will be better than blogging a kazillion times a day, but I won't be Tweeting my weight.

Cheer me on, guys - if I don't do this, then my life won't change, because I'm the only one who can change it.

Food, Glorious Food

This is a post I wrote Saturday over on my personal blog, but I thought you all might fnd it useful as well.

If you have read my blog for any time, you know that I stopped eating sugar, white flour and most pre-packaged, processed foods a year ago in order to try to be healthier. And you also know that the dr. tells me that I am still broken in spite of it. That was really discouraging for me and I admit that I had few days of pity party. But this darn vitamin D makes it hard to stay down in the dumps for too long.

So instead of going and eating a bunch of junk food, I decided to fast and pray and study about what to do. I am convinced that the answer lies in the food I put in my body. But just cutting all the obvious things was not helping, so I did a lot of pondering over the last week. A couple of things came to mind or just crossed my path and caught my attention. Things that I might have passed by if my mind had not been focused.

1) My friend mentioned on Face Book how much she loved Bountiful Baskets and my interest was piqued so I asked her about it. More on that later

2) I was folding towels and turned the t.v. on and it was tuned to a random channel. The program was a cooking show. The chef was making a roast or something and the host asked why it was so small. The chef answered that it has only been in the last 50-60 years or so that we went from eating mostly fruits and vegetables in season and putting a little meat with it to making meat the main focus of our meals and sometimes forgetting to add in the fruit and vegetables and as a result we are an unhealthy people.

3) In our church we have what is called "The Word of Wisdom" contained in a book of scripture. If you ask most people not of my faith what is in the word of wisdom, they will probably tell you that it says we can't drink coffee or alcohol or smoke. But it contains so much more and I felt that I needed to reread it with that in mind because if I would just follow it, I could heal my body. So I got out my scriptures and re-read the 21 verses. I will admit that I skimmed through the thou shalt not parts because I pretty much have that down- I think- but slowly read the rest:

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them.

My take away was that I need to increase my fruits, vegetables and grains and decrease my meats. But have you seen the prices of produce lately? And I am lucky? to have children that love fruits and veggies. I go to the store on Sat. morning and by Sunday evening there are no oranges, apples, bananas, avocados, cucumbers.... left in the house! Really.

4) I stumbled on this site (she also has a blog). A way to help my food storage and bank account be healthy as well. I haven't tried it yet, but I am going to start next week and see how doable it is with the foods that I can eat with no sugar, asparteme, high fructose corn syrup etc. (I know my sister uses this site and I get their weekly e-mail, but for some reason I just could never make it work for me. So we will see how this does for me)

So Monday evening I ordered my fist Bountiful Basket. Actually I ordered 2 because, see above statement about fruits and veggies and my kids.  I also ordered the Italian package option and a 24 pound case of peaches.  And I spent $57! I know. I never leave the produce aisle with that low of an amount, which makes it hard to make the rest of the grocery money cover the rest of the list.

Ethan and I went and picked up our baskets this morning.  We were early, so we volunteered and helped out in the getting everything ready for everyone. In return, we got extra produce- a sweet bonus.  And I was amazed at the amount of produce I brought home with me! (pictures below)

The only downside I can see is this- I like to do my grocery shopping Friday evening or early, early Saturday morning. I can't pick up my baskets until 9:30ish and I don't want to make my menue/grocery list until I know what I have so I don't duplicate or leave out something. But I will just have to rearrange and figure it out because the Lord has blessed me with a way to eat the way he wants me to.

How the baskets looked when I brought them in

All the amazing yumminess laying on my counter top.

And if you have been in my kitchen you will know that this takes

up almost the entire bar.

There is only about a foot of space left after the celery and lettuce and the

box of peaches is right at the edge.

Two close ups of the veggies and the fruit

Brandi was so excited about the plums and the peaches because I

refuse to purchase them if they are more than $1/lb

Jake was excited about the grapes for the same reason

The Italian pack (cilantro, basil, thyme, onion, mushrooms, eggplant, zuchinni, garlic)  and the peaches.

I am wishing I had gotten 2 boxes of peaches.

I will admit that I had to look up recipes for the Swiss Chard because I didn't have a clue how to use it or what to make with it. If I like the recipe I choose, I'll post it.

Next up- a post about hiking.

---

Indeed.

Vacations and Weight . . . Oh My

As soon as school got out we went on vacation, pretty much. We headed out to Yellowstone and then to Montana to visit with Damon's family. I did pretty well at Yellowstone. I might not have done fabulously with eating, but the first night we got there I went on a walk with my dad (we even jogged--just for about thirty seconds, but STILL) and the next day we walked around at Yellowstone. So I figured that even if diet hadn't been great, at least I'd done SOME exercising.

In Montana however, I didn't do so well. My diet was WAY worse AND we didn't exercise all that much.

I was afraid to weigh myself when I got home. As a matter of fact I did some unhealthy things when I got home. And I took a couple of days to weight myself. When I did I was NOT happy. I had gained. Almost back to 190. Over the past week to two weeks? or so I've done better--well not better. If I know I'm going out to dinner that night and my calories will be high, then I don't eat until that time. It's the only I way I know how to manage the calories when I know I'm eating out.

Although I haven't done that very often I have done it. Anyway, my exercise hasn't been very good either, BUT, somehow I've gone back to around 184-185. Which makes me feel slightly better. I'm still trying to get down to that 182.

Here's the deal though. We go back on vacation July 10th and we are basically gone until August 10th. The first place we're going to--my friend Hilary--she has a treadmill and access to a sweet swimming pool so I can get myself exercising. BUT, the eating? Yeah, that won't be so great. And then off to New York and then North Carolina and I have NO idea how exercise is going to work out with that or eating.

OH, and my extended family is dealing with some SEVERE issues and there is a LOT of stress in their lives and by extension--mine. HUGE issues. The kinds of issues that we'll be dealing with for years to come. Divorce, mental breakdowns . . . just some really big things. And that has made my life at home very busy. So exercise is going by the wayside and I have to admit, because my stress levels have gone so high, they're beyond comfort food--we've actually entered the realm of the 'upset stomach' stress, so it's been really easy to not eat very much or well. Which isn't good either because that also messes up the whole metabolism thing.

All in all, things are bad right now. But still. I'm determined to not let myself go. Even if I don't get to lose this summer if I can maintain this weight range from 184-185, or even get down a couple more pounds, I think I'm going to try and just be stable. It is so hard to gain that weight back and have to start the cycle all over again. I do NOT want to do that. I don't. So even though things are hugely stressful, and we're having a huge vacation this summer, I need to take control and be in control.

So if I'm eating out, I'll eat really slowly and when I'm full, even if the food is delicious, I'll stop eating. Even if the plate is still half full, it's better to waste that food then to gain weight. And I'll try to do some exercises in my hotel room. And if that hotel has a place to exercise or swim, even though I hate exercising in front of people I'll try and do it. I know I'll be walking a LOT in New York, which is great. I can take control. I can maintain this weight even through all of this stuff. And eventually I can start losing again.

We can ALL do this.

Just Sayin' Hi

Hi everyone,

Well, it's been an interesting earth life experience for me lately. The car accident in March derailed ideas of exercise, and each time I've tried to resume a regime, I pull my psoas and oblique muscles too much, even when exercising gently. That said, I have to admit that hasn't made me too sad - exercising isn't my fav. What is making me sad is my weight.

Then my dad passed. He needed round the clock care for nine days before he died, and all my attention was shifted from me and my house to him and his. We scrabbled together a list of family who could come in and be with him, and between coordinating that, taking turns myself, and then sleeping it off when I got home, nothing about my own care was done during that time.

Since then, I've been battling extreme fatigue. It's been a combination of tiredness from caring for him and grief. We knew he was passing, but his final downturn happened so fast, it was a real shock how fast it went. I spent this time living on Cherry Coke and whatever I could grab on the run.

I have not been on a scale since the car accident. Fact is, I'm scared to get on. I know I've gained through the midsection, but I haven't had the ability to do much about it. I'm hoping that this week brings opportunity to correct my course, but I have no way of knowing at this point. Just making Father's Day dinner wore me completely out today, and I know I have a long way to go before I've built back up all the reserves I lost during Dad's final illness and the funeral.

I think something else I've been struggling with is that I've been having the thought, "Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I'm a fat woman and stop worrying about it." On the one hand, it seems so easy to just throw in the towel and stop trying. But on the other hand, I don't want to identify myself as "a fat woman." I don't feel fat on the inside. When I look in the mirror, I'm often surprised at how the way I look doesn't match up with how I feel. Physically, I feel fat, of course, but emotionally, I'm not. This has led to a lot of disconnect in the relationship I have with my body.

Nope, I'm not giving up. I've been very inspired by Lu Ann and her amazing success - she's lookin' smokin', and I want to try reducing my sugars and seeing if that is the key I've been missing. I'm hoping to get my brain working again so I can undertake a new project - seriously, I've been so wiped out, I haven't even done the bills yet, and we got paid on the 15th. We're going to have some late fees and I'm struggling to even care.

Thanks for your friendship, everyone, and for sharing this journey with me!

Quick Check In

I know I haven't posted in forever. I think in my last post I said my new goal was to just not gain too much weight with my pregnancy.

Well, last week I had a doctor appointment and he surprised me by saying that I was spot on for where I should be with my weight gain. It had been five weeks since I'd seen him last and I'd gained five pounds. This was very surprising since I'd spent a lot of time in those five weeks sitting on my butt in a car driving out to Utah and eating junk food to stay awake. I guess I worked it off hiking at Arches.

Something I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, I've been told a few times recently that people can't tell I'm pregnant. So does that mean I'm not showing much (which I know can't be the answer) or they just figured I am fatter than I really am? I don't know.

My ward got a nice shock when I left for vacation wearing regular jeans and came back wearing maternity clothes. That was kind of funny. I hadn't announced the pregnancy, so most people didn't know at all until I showed up with my belly sticking out.

Anyway, just wanted to share that I'm doing well with my goal of watching my weight this pregnancy and not letting myself get too caught up in the whole "eating for two" idea.

Still Wondering

I'm still wondering if I'd recommend the HCG diet. My weight has been between 182-185 since I've gone off. It's been up and down . . . yesterday I was at 183.6, today 184.4. So it's hard to tell. I'm hoping that I'll start losing again--I haven't gone crazy with food, but I also haven't followed hardcore the HCG diet restrictions for the maintenance period. Soo I might not be the best person to listen to.

Still--I'm doing pretty okay. Today at school was the carnival and I worked in the concessions--popcorn, candy bars, chips, snow cones, cotton candy . . . I could have had any of it that I wanted, but I didn't. I resisted.

I did have one piece of pizza for lunch, but after standing on my feet all day (and lifting a lot of boxes of soda pop!) I felt like that was okay! And now I've had my 'after-school' snack. I'm also going to taekwondo tonight, so I'm actually doing very well on calories today. I might even be a little low.

So far I'm doing okay. I'm not thrilled that my weight has been so up and down, instead of steady and consistently staying at around 182, but oh well. I'm really hoping that in about a month I'll be able to lose around a pound a week. It might take going to a doctor and making sure that my metabolism is okay, and seeing if I'm maybe going TOO low in calories (hee hee wouldn't that be nice?). . . but I'm going to do what I need to do to lose the rest of this weight. At LEAST twenty more pounds.

Slacker #2

Ok, I have kinda My slacked off in the blogging area, too. Seems as if we all have. My slacking off includes my vigilant eating habits. And that is a bad thing.

I had a really intense, stressful class with a teacher that was a beast and expected us to be mind readers and if we guessed wrong we were penalized. If we guessed right? We were penalized anyway. It was a kind of damned if we do and damned if we don't type of 6 weeks. And when someone at work brought candy or cookies? I indulged. And I haven't been sleeping well. My momma cat died and left me with 2 wk old babies. Guess who had to bottle feed them. Even at night? And bathe them, and weigh them and keep them warm and all that other baby stuff? And three job interviews for an internship next year and didn't get any of them.

All of this has added up to me gaining 5 lbs.

But school is out for the summer, so that means that I don't have to go to work every day. The class I am taking now is really laid back and not as stressful (even if it is math/stats and math and I are not on speaking terms). So I am going to get back on track.

Today I did:
1/2 hour of morning/wake-up yoga
20 minutes on the tread mill
Drank 64 oz of water
Had no sugar or other processed food

Well, Hello There!

Yep, I've been a blog slacker. Slack, slack, slacker. I keep telling all of you to keep blogging, even when you're not doing well, and then I go against my own counsel. Silly Tristi!

Fact is, I haven't been doing well. I've lost a lot of strength since the car accident, and it's been hard to do my daily routines, let alone exercising, etc. But, tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow is the day I re-introduce exercise. I'm really, really hoping that these muscles in my side are now healed enough to allow some gentle aerobics, but I won't know until I give it a try.

I've also not started the sugar-counting thing yet. I've had a ton of stress come up in the last month, and I just head straight for the sugar every time. I feel like I have no other coping mechanism, and I need to get that figured out. I'm not going to wait until I've figured it out to give it a try, though. That could take forever. :)

Okay, so, wish me luck. I'll try to check in a little more frequently, and hey, if you wanna send me reminder e-mails to exercise, too, I bet I might listen to you ... :)

The Decision

I have seven more days on this HCG diet to hit the 42 days. I'm at 182 today, but I'm kind of okay with that--I've lost 20 pounds. I think I'm going to end a week early. Why? Especially when I might even be lower in a week? Well here is my reasoning.

I get out of school on June 4th. On June 8th we head to Yellowstone, then to Libby, MT. I feel if I've had a solid two weeks of maintenance AT HOME, then my body will have had more of a chance to adjust to more calories without gaining. Yes, I'll still be careful, but two weeks of being VERY careful on maintenance, then one week where things might not be so perfect should be better than one week of maintenance THEN going on vacation.

My husband has finally gotten on the bandwagon to weight loss. He hit 201 and that was it for him. So he has been trying to be careful, but since our meals have still had to differ so much it has been frustrating with dinner time. We have a fairly healthy menu plan for the month (had it a long time ago too), but now he is way more willing to follow it and be on it versus eating out. I'm excited for us to be on the same page, finally! He's even eaten cereal for dinner time a couple of times, when his calories have been higher during the day--I LOVE eating cereal for dinner! Not that it will happen much, but still.

Third reason? I'd really like to start doing a modicum of exercise. I've been exhausted on this diet. I haven't had any energy to do anything and I KNOW I've lost muscle mass, even though the HCG is supposed to prevent it. I can feel it in the way my clothes fit. And it wasn't so long ago that I was at this weight that I don't remember how my size 14's fit. And right now my 14's are still very snug, all of which means I've lost muscle. That's okay. I want to start building up my muscle and getting back to taekwondo.

Would I recommend the HCG diet? I'm not sure yet. I feel like I needed the extra motivation to get me to stick with my regular 1400 calorie diet. At 182 I feel like I will have it. If you feel like you need to lose weight quickly to get you motivated to stick to something then yes, probably. But if you are good at the 'slow and steady wins the race' then I wouldn't worry about it. And then let's wait to see the biggest thing--will I yo-yo? That's the biggest thing of the HCG. It works, but you have to maintain after. And I'm going to be seriously tempted this summer--I'm pretty much GONE for the month of July. I'll be in Boston, Phoenix, and New York City, and home all of about ten days for July. So yeah. There'll be some serious challenges.

I'll keep you guys posted!

A day in the life

Hello everyone! Man, it has been a while since I posted. I've mainly been floating along doing my thing, but I feel the pull to write today.

There is a debate on whether you should weigh yourself everyday or not. The HCG diet says you have to as part of their program and after. Mainly because you can gain and not have it show up in your hip size for a few days. Speaking from experience, I know this is true.

It's an up and down battle to maintain but the scale helps me know where I am. I gained weight (of course) on my trip to Disneyland and I've been working to get back to where I was. It can be frustrating, but I have done it.

Here are a few things that I know about myself--things that I know I can't eat without gaining. I cannot have bread on a regular basis. Bread is one of my all time favorite foods, but if I have to choose, I choose to feel good instead of eating bread. Bread makes me feel bloated. It makes me tired and sluggish, so I stay away from it.

I can't eat refined sugar. It really screws up how I feel. It is something people get addicted to and is not that hard to clean out of your system. You have to decide what you want more. A healthy body or sugar. Duh. That's an easy one for me.

Dairy. I LOVE milk, ice cream, yogurt, cheese etc... So, I seldom drink milk anymore and I don't feel clogged. It wasn't that hard to cut out. I do still eat a tiny bit of cheese. I like pepperjack sticks. I seldom buy ice cream because if I do, I WILL eat it. I have no self control there.

What do I eat? I eat a TON of food. I'm always full. I eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but veggies are hard for me. I never feel like eating veggies. They don't call to me and they don't taste that great to me. I try to get at least one big salad in a day though. I snack on blueberries, strawberries, apples, oranges and stuff like that. I try to eat plenty of protein and I am always full.

I eat hummus for a snack with those awesome whole grain corn chips from Costco. SO DANG GOOD! I hate sharing with my kids! =) They're gone too fast! I also buy sugar free jello. That's another good snack that feels like a dessert.

I do buy sugar free chocolate candy. I learned that it is the mixing of sugar with fat that makes you gain. If you just eat the fat without combining it with starch or sugar, you are okay. Put them together and just plan on gaining.

Do I feel deprived? Sometimes. Except when I'm working out and feeling great. When I check my weight, it feels good that I was able to discipline myself, only putting high quality fuel in my gas tank. THAT feels good. Better than that sugary snack that is instantly gone in two bites.

So, that is where I'm at. Also I work out every day. I never miss except for once a week. I alternate walking really fast for an hour and jogging for 20-30 min. I have to be careful because I'm dealing with keeping Achilles tendinitis at bay on my left calf. So far, so good, but it's only a slow jog I can do for now. After my walk or run, I lift weights for 15 to 20 min. Then I ALWAYS do at least 20 min of yoga. It centers me and gets me ready for my day. I'm lucky enough that I can do this with my schedule. I feel very blessed that I can take this time to focus on my body and spirit.

Anyway, this is just what I'm doing. You should know, that one of the reasons I have time for this kind of workout is because it is a super high priority for me. I let the house go, computer work go, and other things. They are pushed back so I can fill my cup. If I don't get to them . . . oh well. I have teenagers that can help! =)

Yeah, It's been a while

Okay, so it's been quite some time since I blogged about losing weight.Typically speaking I stop posting when I'm doing poorly. And yes, I was doing poorly. I got down to 194 and then stress levels went up, I stopped trying, was defeated about how slowly the weight loss was going, etc, etc. And so I started gaining it back. And gaining. So frustrating.

I decided once I was over the 200's AGAIN, that I need a swift kick to . . . well you know where. Some friends had decided to do the HCG drops and they showed me a site that seemed relatively affordable (around 80 dollars for the drops 21-day supply, a pamphlet on starting the diet, and some b-12 vitamin drops) so I decided to try HCG. I did debate about it for a while, but I'm hoping that with the weight loss getting me down far enough, then maybe I'll be motivated enough to not only maintain the weight loss, but to lose more, and to be patient with losing a half a pound to a pound on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. And not get so defeated that I stop trying.

So I started the HCG thing three weeks ago with the oral drops. I THINK the shots would probably be more effective, but they are also way more expensive (250-400 dollars). To date I've lost a little over 14 pounds. I'm at 187.6 and I'm hoping to get down to 180--the weight I was at BEFORE I started teaching and my last huge weight gain. The weight loss has helped with motivating me to stay on a very strict diet, but I WAS hoping for a little more loss than what I've had so far. But still, it's way more than what I could have lost and I'm pretty happy.

You can have discipline for 42 days or 21 days although it can be VERY, VERY hard, but there is an end in sight. There is no argument that the HCG diet WORKS. The problem is AFTER. With diets like this you often yo-yo. But I figured I did the yo-yo thing anyway, so why not go for it?

I'm also trying to get myself into the mind set that if I DO want to eat out at my favorite restaurant or eat some candy that I'd better have the calories to spend--in other words EXERCISE. Yes. I hate that word. But, I'm going to work hard on implementing some exercise after this diet is over (yeah, not going to try it on 500 calories as it is--I'm TIRED ALL THE TIME).

I'm also planning on overall better eating after this diet and the maintenance phase of this diet is over. My husband FINALLY is trying to lose weight himself and that will make things a lot easier.

So yeah. That's what's been going on so far!

You Look Mahvelous!

Hey everyone,

It was so awesome to see you at the conference! And you all looked great. Brent, you are smokin'!! Lu Ann, I'm so proud of you! Melissa, way to go! Each of you were bright and twinkly and it was great to see you.

I, on the other hand ... twinkle not.

A couple of you said I looked thinner, but I do believe that was a trick of light - I chose my clothes specially to be slimming. I haven't lost anything. In fact, I'm afraid, just the opposite.

These muscles in my side are not healing very well at all. I tried to live my life normally at the conference and I was in a serious world of hurt when I got home. I was having sharp, shooting pains through my rib cage, and all kinds of delightful other things that I won't bore you with.

But ...

I am still keeping up with the nice big salads, and I'm going to try Lu Ann's awesome sugar plan. After checking out her new physique at the conference, I'd be a big blind bat if I didn't see it was working and how great she looks. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow and will buy foods to support that change.

In the meantime, I'm so proud of each of you. Keep it up, and maybe by next conference, I'll be lookin' smokin' right along with the rest of you!

I've been FAILING to PLAN --

and therefore, planning to fail. :-(

Fortunately, I got kick-started again. I bought a big wall calendar and I've been trying to write my planned meals for the day on it. 3 meals. That's all I get. I'm not doing the 5-6 small meals a day thing anymore. It just doesn't work for me. This way, when I want to eat something, I have to sit down and eat it. And I have to make sure I eat everything I need until the next meal. 'Cuz there's no snacking allowed! I have allowed myself a wint-o-green mint in between (Love those things!) but they're only 15 calories each.

I just got to thinking how much better I did back when I did body-for-life, and the REASON I did so well wasn't because the plan was better than my current plan. It was because I was sitting down every day and making a specific plan for the next day. What time am I going to exercise and what am I going to do exactly? What am I going to eat for breakfast and what time am I going to eat it? Etc. etc.

Now that I'm planning again, I'm doing well again. Imagine that!

And We're Off!

I've offically lost two pounds. It's a start. All this getting my habits to be better is finally paying off. I've gotten off caffeine, reduced sugar intake (mostly just by not snacking on junk), and now am starting to move around a lot more.

Maybe I will hit my goal by the end of the year. Time to get off the computer and go dance or something. :)

Getting off Sugar

I finally did it. Now, I didn't get completely off sugar. But I did make myself as of last Wednesday to not eat cake, ice cream, candy, soda pop, etc. I didn't cut out all the sugar on sauces and such. But I have been looking a little closer to the labels to make a better decision on whether to use it or how much to use.

The first few days were tough, and now it's quite easy. My husband had some M&M's the other day and I was having a rough day, so I asked for two. I ate them slowly and enjoyed them. And I was satisfied.

Then today, I tasted one bite of a cupcake and I was good. It's like eating a lot of sugar makes you want to eat a lot of sugar. Eating a lot less makes you feel satisfied when you only have a small amount.

And I'm down a pound. Hard to tell exactly because of water weight changes, but I think I've lost a pound or two.

I've also got my pedometer on me every day checking how many steps I've taken. I've averaged about 7000-8000 steps most days. My goal is to get it to 10,000 steps or more a day.

Between the less sugar and more moving, I think I may have finally gotten the start I wanted to losing weight.

Now if I can just keep it up and not have many setbacks.

Interesting ...

I'm not sure how I did it, but I re-pulled some of my oblique muscles and so I didn't attempt the aerobics. That was sort of getting all geared up for nothing.

I did learn something rather interesting, though.

I've been doing the salad thing and I've cut way back on bread, and I've had no pasta in about three weeks. Last night I had some spaghetti, and I was up all night with gas and bloating and other things that polite ladies don't mention they have, so I'm guessing I'm not as polite of a lady as I thought I was. It was interesting to me to note the effect the pasta was having on me after so long going without. I think this is my body's way of saying it doesn't like it. And isn't that what our bodies would tell us, if they could talk - lay off the refined flour? I guess gas is just a body's way of talking ...

Sugar

by Rebecca Talley

I rarely ever watch daytime TV, but today I happened to watch The Tyra Show while I did my aerobic workout (sometimes I just get sick of my DVDs and work out to a TV program for a change of pace since I have the moves all memorized after doing them for so many years). So today's program was about overweight teenage girls. All four girls were at least 100 pounds overweight. I can imagine the kind of harrassment these girls face on a regular basis because of their weight. I felt bad for each one.

Tyra's guest was some dude who's pushing a new lifestyle change that includes limiting your sugar intake. I'd read LuAnn's post on watching sugar--limiting it to 25 grams--with interest a few days ago so this program piqued my interest even more. This guy advocates only 15 grams and substituting food flavored with other types of sweetners for sugary foods. I'm still not sure if I like these other sweetners of if they're very good for you.

He said an average American ingests 130 grams of sugar per day. Since soda has about 40 grams it only take 3 sodas to do the job. These teenage girls were all ingesting twice that amount of sugar. He challenged them to not only reduce their sugar intake, but to up their carbohydrate, specifically fiber, intake. He said that sugar bonds with the food in our intestines and it makes the food sticky and leads to constipation because it's harder to get rid of it when there's a lot of sugar present. He also said that increased sugar intake promotes belly fat. (I thought I could just use the "I've had 10 babies" excuse).

This is the same basis for the South Beach Diet. Cut out processed sugar and white flour and increase fiber through beans, fruits, and vegetables.

Anyway, like LuAnn, I looked at some of the foods I thought were sugar safe. I was surprised that non-fat milk has 12 grams of sugar per serving. However, I'm still confused about how to differntiate between the sugars. I've heard that the sugar naturally produced in fruit is not the same as refined sugar. I would think the sugar in milk is more comparable to that in fruit because it's naturally part of the milk.

Today, I have not had any sugar. I've stuck to vegetables, beans, salad, nuts. But, I do have a nasty sweet tooth that in the past has lead me to eat candy, ice cream, etc. So I need a sweet option. I've never been a soda drinker and for the last several months I haven't had much refined sugar because I've been sticking to the SB Diet.

I have questions, though. Is the sugar produced in fruit actually different? Do you count that toward your sugar intake? Or, is it just the refined sugar that needs to be controlled? What about these other sweetners (like stevia) are they bad?

I'm going to the CFI author dinner on April 22nd and I want to look good--no, make that amazing--in my red dress I bought for my son's reception. I'm hoping I can take off a few pounds before then.